Wow. Not sure how to start a post after nearly three months away. Excuses first? A heartfelt apology? Groveling? Sniveling? Begging for forgiveness? A secret money exchange? A shoulder rub? Some cupcakes? Beer?
Probably the beer. We'll drink to forget.
Suddenly oompah music begins to play and we are under a giant beer tent together, standing on a long wooden table...in dirndls! Look at us! We're having so much fun...just like old times!
Keep your hands off my beer.
Where to start? I really didn't mean for so much time to pass. I didn't mean to ignore everyone and disappear. Every day I woke up and thought, 'Today I will write a post.' Every night I went to sleep thinking, 'Maybe tomorrow.' And here we are. Look up procrastination in the dictionary and there I am. (Unfortunately I'm under "glutton," "passive-aggressive" and "pompous" as well. That sucks.)
This morning I got a message from Typepad telling me I needed to update my billing or I'd no longer have access to my blog. I couldn't justify paying for something I wasn't using. But I also couldn't justify disappearing without a word. It just felt wrong. Weak. Stupid.
One month from today I leave Germany.
It's strange and surreal to write that sentence...but it's also a fact. In some ways, it's been impossible for me to be here because it was a constant reminder of all that I was leaving behind. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. It made me feel sad. Feeling sad, in turn, made me go into deep denial. If I could avoid coming here, I could put off the inevitable...or at least live in a make-believe world until someone tossed me on a plane and slammed the door shut.
I know none of this makes up for disappearing and ignoring my friends. For that, I apologize in sincerity. Not good. Ich bin ein giant dork.
Let's get this pity party rolling!
Let's just move on, shall we?
Just saw the photo above in one of my old family photo folders recently. It was taken in Berlin in the 1970s on a vacation there with the family. My older sisters sit, looking incredibly bored, with my father inside our vacation home--while outside the window my twin sister K and I, in our matching dresses, stare in a very creepy fashion at the others. I am on the left, slightly smaller. Twins are super creepy. At least we were.
I promised in my last post--what seems like years ago now--to tell you about my former home in Belgium, where we lived for five years. I will begin by telling you I was most certainly not a Belgian princess...at least legally.
We lived here when my dad worked for NATO. The house came with the job...which is pretty sweet, eh? I was invited to go back after almost twenty years and visit. It was wonderful. In some ways it felt like coming full-circle...being here as a kid and returning with my own kids. Pure bliss. Of course, living in a Belgian chateau kinda messes with your expectations of future homes.
The experience of re-visiting places from my youth has been amazing. The chance to live again in Europe for four years was such a gift. The best part for me was sharing it with my husband and two kids. We've seen so much during our time here, and all of it will stay with us forever.
Blogging about my life here has also been amazing. I've met so many wonderful people--in real life and through pen pal-style relationships. I hate that as things wrap up here, I feel as though I've lost some of those friendships through neglect. For that, I am truly sorry.
Everything comes to an end, of course. Here I sit at about 11:45 in the morning, still in my pajamas (shhhhh!), and type out the last words of this blog. It's an appropriate ending, as many of my blog posts were typed out in my pajamas. Don't hate.
Wherever you are, if you're reading this, please know how grateful I am to have had such a fun three years here at this mostly silly blog. The experiences I've had in Germany will always go hand-in-hand with the experience I've had blogging about them. In some ways I feel as though all my blog friends are friends I've made since moving here. I will miss you when I'm gone.
I promise to try harder to be a better friend in the near future. Just writing this post has allowed me to free myself from the chains of denial. I'm leaving soon. This will all come to an end. And that's okay.
Life goes on.