Wow. Not sure how to start a post after nearly three months away. Excuses first? A heartfelt apology? Groveling? Sniveling? Begging for forgiveness? A secret money exchange? A shoulder rub? Some cupcakes? Beer?
Probably the beer. We'll drink to forget.
Suddenly oompah music begins to play and we are under a giant beer tent together, standing on a long wooden table...in dirndls! Look at us! We're having so much fun...just like old times!
Keep your hands off my beer.
Ach!
Where to start? I really didn't mean for so much time to pass. I didn't mean to ignore everyone and disappear. Every day I woke up and thought, 'Today I will write a post.' Every night I went to sleep thinking, 'Maybe tomorrow.' And here we are. Look up procrastination in the dictionary and there I am. (Unfortunately I'm under "glutton," "passive-aggressive" and "pompous" as well. That sucks.)
This morning I got a message from Typepad telling me I needed to update my billing or I'd no longer have access to my blog. I couldn't justify paying for something I wasn't using. But I also couldn't justify disappearing without a word. It just felt wrong. Weak. Stupid.
One month from today I leave Germany.
It's strange and surreal to write that sentence...but it's also a fact. In some ways, it's been impossible for me to be here because it was a constant reminder of all that I was leaving behind. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. It made me feel sad. Feeling sad, in turn, made me go into deep denial. If I could avoid coming here, I could put off the inevitable...or at least live in a make-believe world until someone tossed me on a plane and slammed the door shut.
I know none of this makes up for disappearing and ignoring my friends. For that, I apologize in sincerity. Not good. Ich bin ein giant dork.
Let's get this pity party rolling!
Not really.
Let's just move on, shall we?
Just saw the photo above in one of my old family photo folders recently. It was taken in Berlin in the 1970s on a vacation there with the family. My older sisters sit, looking incredibly bored, with my father inside our vacation home--while outside the window my twin sister K and I, in our matching dresses, stare in a very creepy fashion at the others. I am on the left, slightly smaller. Twins are super creepy. At least we were.
I promised in my last post--what seems like years ago now--to tell you about my former home in Belgium, where we lived for five years. I will begin by telling you I was most certainly not a Belgian princess...at least legally.
We lived here when my dad worked for NATO. The house came with the job...which is pretty sweet, eh? I was invited to go back after almost twenty years and visit. It was wonderful. In some ways it felt like coming full-circle...being here as a kid and returning with my own kids. Pure bliss. Of course, living in a Belgian chateau kinda messes with your expectations of future homes.
The experience of re-visiting places from my youth has been amazing. The chance to live again in Europe for four years was such a gift. The best part for me was sharing it with my husband and two kids. We've seen so much during our time here, and all of it will stay with us forever.
Blogging about my life here has also been amazing. I've met so many wonderful people--in real life and through pen pal-style relationships. I hate that as things wrap up here, I feel as though I've lost some of those friendships through neglect. For that, I am truly sorry.
Everything comes to an end, of course. Here I sit at about 11:45 in the morning, still in my pajamas (shhhhh!), and type out the last words of this blog. It's an appropriate ending, as many of my blog posts were typed out in my pajamas. Don't hate.
Wherever you are, if you're reading this, please know how grateful I am to have had such a fun three years here at this mostly silly blog. The experiences I've had in Germany will always go hand-in-hand with the experience I've had blogging about them. In some ways I feel as though all my blog friends are friends I've made since moving here. I will miss you when I'm gone.
I promise to try harder to be a better friend in the near future. Just writing this post has allowed me to free myself from the chains of denial. I'm leaving soon. This will all come to an end. And that's okay.
Life goes on.
XX Erin
Well. Wow. I am in fact crying. You have seen me through a lot over the past years and so many times you have made me laugh and given me a lift and you need to know that.
I guess I'll reiterate what I said a few months ago - please see your way clear to posting about your life back home.
If in fact your decision is that you will not start another blog then I need to send you all my love.
And to let you know we are planning a trip to LA at the end of the year..
So that you can run BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE.
PS you do look very creepy in that photo - it's got a kind of horror movie aspect to it.
I love you.
xxxxx
Posted by: mary | May 18, 2011 at 07:44 AM
And where exactly are we supposed to go for beer and pastries now? What exactly do we replace Eurolush with? Find me one other blog even remotely as strange and entertaining. That there are also castles and cupcakes is just icing on the mushrooms.
Awaiting your next project...
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | May 18, 2011 at 09:20 AM
Mary, you are and have always been the warmest & kindest friend--so supportive and wonderful. You've been an inspiration to me since first reading your blog. Your photography is like art and your talent in writing is undeniable. Our six degrees of separation is only one degree apart...with Eleanor as our connection! I love knowing you two are friends. Thinking of you, Eleanor, Kim and Amelia together makes me very happy. The world is a better place with the four of you in it. Thanks again for all your encouragement and thoughtful comments. Knowing you're coming to CA at the end of the year makes it seem a lot more inviting! Mwah! You are the sweetest! Australia is lucky to have you! XOXO, Erin
Posted by: eurolush | May 18, 2011 at 09:27 AM
SK--You've summed up my entire blog over three long years in 5 words: beer, pastries, castles, cupcakes and mushrooms. Stunning. I suggest replacing me with a stiff drink and some fuzzy slippers. No. Make that two stiff drinks, some fuzzy slippers and an episode of "Hoarders." Life doesn't get much better than that. Unless you add some Schnitzel. And a foot rub. And another stiff drink. There.
Posted by: eurolush | May 18, 2011 at 09:41 AM
Gah! The emotional turmoil right now. Fear. (that creepy picture--still having chills) Fear. No Eurolush. Fear. No pretty pictures of Germany or pastries or little windowboxes or twee Tex. Sadness.
But then you had to go an offer beer. I will miss you. I have missed you.
Posted by: green girl in wisconsin | May 18, 2011 at 10:21 AM
Ach. What to say.
I don't like goodbyes.
How's about a See You Later?
xo
Posted by: blackbird | May 18, 2011 at 01:18 PM
Green Girl: The beer cancels out the creepiness. Or maybe it adds to it. Dunno. Maybe the beer just makes things a lot more interesting. And sometimes hard to remember. Fear not. I've missed you, too. And will miss you. I see many tears falling into my beer glasses in the future. No. Can't dilute the elixir of the gods that way. Wait. Where was I going with this? Oh. Yes. Thank you for all your witty and fun comments over the years. I appreciated them all. You are more than just an eco-woman-mother-karate expert. Or was it Tae Kwon Do? Shoot. Whichever. You are a friend. An inspiration. And a lady. Three times a lady. And I do admire you. I mean that. Smooches! XOXO
Posted by: eurolush | May 18, 2011 at 01:45 PM
bb: As American R&B Artists Boyz II Men once famously sang, 'How do I say goodbye to what we had? The good times that made us laugh outweigh the bad. I thought we'd get to see forever, but forever's gone away. It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.' They knew what they were talking about, those boyz. And now it's my turn to say goodbye. But you're right. Better to say, see you later. Before I do, though, I will say thank you for being such an encouraging, warm-hearted, hilarious and constant presense around these parts for the last three years. For that, I am so very thankful and truly grateful. I will miss your companionship. Though I do plan to keep up with your blog--as with everyone's here. Keep up the good work, bb. You are the Alpha Dog of the blog world. We love and fear you, equally. Especially when you get all 'bite-y.' Remember: we'll always have NYC. I'm still thinking about that meal we ate at the Chinese restaurant together. And your new boots. And how you got us lost--just for a little while--on the darkened streets of NYC. It was okay, though, because we got to hang around you even longer. Which was simply the best. Hugs-n-kisses! See you later! XOXO
Posted by: eurolush | May 18, 2011 at 02:05 PM
Dearest E, I am truly sad - it has been such fun. Please promise me that you will keep some record of your writing over the past three years. One day your children will want to hear the sound of your voice and it is here in your blog - don't let it slip away forever because for them it will be very precious. Even the mad bits about mushrooms.
Happy landings in your new home and when you are next in London let me know - I have more palaces and castles to show you.
Alicexxx
Posted by: Alice C | May 18, 2011 at 02:56 PM
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
You are making me believe you are a HUMAN BEING. Everything up until this moment had me leaning in the opposite direction.
Damn. I think I have something in my eye.
Posted by: The Coffee Lady | May 18, 2011 at 03:32 PM
Alice--Meeting you was the one of the highlights of my blogging experience. Hampton Court! Who is the best tour guide ever? YOU! Your warm and friendly personality instantly put us all at ease. However, I was also well aware that under that exterior sweetness of yours beats the heart of a complex, intelligent and extremely wise woman. Your depth goes on and on. Your curiosity about the world--through art, architecture and its people is infectious. Of course, sometimes that depth makes me realize my own shallowness. I'm forced to acknowledge my lack of depth in all things but mushrooms. Then I resent you. But only for a little while. It's too hard to keep it up. You're always quickly forgiven. How can someone resent you? Impossible. It's been a pleasure being your friend these last few years. Thank you for your encouraging words. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for being you. Mwah! XOXO
Posted by: eurolush | May 18, 2011 at 04:02 PM
I knew it was coming, but still! I also seem to have something (sob) in my eye.
Since California is clearly its own country, don't you think an exploration of the wild West is in order as your next project? I've heard they have mushrooms out there too :-)
Gute Reise EL, and keep in touch!
Posted by: Julia@kolo | May 18, 2011 at 04:20 PM
CL--As much as we've tormented one another over the years, it's nearly impossible for me to believe we haven't met. You are like my third, more evil twin. Some might call a third twin 'a triplet.' They would be wrong in your case. I'd call you my English doppelganger. Together, I can say without reservation, we could rule the world. You, more than anyone, have shaped my blog into the award-winning, inspiring and national treasure that it is today. I thank you for that. Your inspirational comments, filled with encouraging sentiment, were like gifts wrapped in silk ribbon. Sometimes they took my breath away. Even though you've rigged your blog so that I can almost never leave a comment--unless I manage to crack some sort of mythical code--I will continue to enter unannounced here and there as I see fit. In the meantime, try not to let your world fall apart without me here. As your twin I say, 'Go forth and conquer.' I will miss being able to threaten you with upcoming, open-ended visits to your home. I really thought I could and would follow through on it. Damnit.
Posted by: eurolush | May 18, 2011 at 04:20 PM
but... but... surely... you'll be back?
they do have beer in the States after all... and I'm sure they have mushrooms? and gnomes perhaps too?
Posted by: Monica | May 18, 2011 at 04:24 PM
You are (were, sob) one of my favorite blogs. Entertaining writing that made me laugh (out loud) at work on dark Seattle mornings, beautiful photography, geography lessons, a cute mascot (that Tex is a looker), sisters that made me for wish I'd had one of my own (my darn brothers, not fair). But I'm also going to admit that because of your blog I discovered BB and Alice and Eleanor and SK and Coffee Lady and Green Girl and many more that slowly became part of my 'blog-cruising' list each week. So I thank YOU! ;-) Here's to happy travels in your future. Obviously the adventures will NEVER end for you and your family. You're a very lucky woman Erin!
Posted by: Alysha in Seattle | May 18, 2011 at 05:59 PM
Dearest Erin:
I remember when I first read your blog -- I was at work on a 'coffee break' (in other words, I was goofing off. I think I even commented about just finding your blog. I remember the blog about German trash cans being the size of quarters). I was panicked that I had caught the tail end of all your posting glory. Your blog was fantastic then and it's fantastic now, even as you say goodbye.
Here's hoping that the blogging bug has worked its way under your skin and that you are inspired to pick up your virtual pen once again. I'm sure there are bloggers from Northern CA (that's where you're landing, right?) out there, but I'm sure NONE of them bring super-sleuthing skills to the table. There's a whole new world for you to explore! And hopefully you'll have the time and the inclination to share it with us.
Even if you choose not to write about it, I'm going to imagine you and Tex lurking and skulking and dodging the authorities and the neighborhood busy-bodies in order to find out all you need to know about your new community.
Thank you so very much for sharing your corner of Germany with us. With me.
Travel safe,
Vicki
Posted by: dt.tuli | May 18, 2011 at 06:57 PM
This virtual world is bizarre.
I really and truly feel as if you are moving away and I won't get to see you for a long time. Thing is, we've always lived far from each other.
It's also kind of sweet. Because everything changes and that makes space for nostalgia and happy memories. I like nostalgia, especially when it's mixed with humour and wonder. "Remember when we discovered each others' blogs? Remember the post about the Dickman chocolate? Remember the running competition? Frau Meuller? Ben the Hawkman? The firewood piles? Tex posing on the sofa? The flea market finds? The gnomes? The mushrooms? The sliding down the street when it snowed? The ping-pong competition with K? B's funny remarks? The ducks by the front door? The post in which I realised you really do MAKE that gorgeous jewellery? The rolladen, you know, those window shutters? Friday nights at Trafo?"
Best.time.ever.
More to come.
Love ya, my blog-blood sister.
Eleanor xxxxxx
Posted by: Eleanor | May 18, 2011 at 09:08 PM
Sigh - my arse even looks big in a dirndl.
Safe travels dear Lushie. I have so enjoyed reading your blog, seeing your beautiful photos and discovering how beautiful Germany is.
Enjoy your new adventure in California!
xx
A
Posted by: Amelia | May 18, 2011 at 10:40 PM
oh! oh! OH!
The most amazing, hilarious and beautiful blog in the world.
I didnt realise you were going, oh, that is very sad indeed. You are so so funny, you amuse me greatly.
I will miss you. Please blog again. Anything will do. PLZ.
Posted by: fifi | May 19, 2011 at 08:29 AM
Julia--You're a twin. I'm a twin. We shared the womb. We were dressed alike and sent off to join the circus. We have so much in common. Only you and your adorable twin sister were probably way less creepy as children than we were. There aren't any photos of you two standing outside the windows looking like horror movie characters, I'll bet.
I've really enjoyed getting to know you over the last few years. Besides a wicked case of jealousy that your twin gets to be in Europe with you, and you get to spend time together visiting each other's homes and fascinating countries--it's all been good.
One of my biggest regrets is never having made it to Prague. I don't even think it's just the city I regret missing--it's YOU, too. I would've loved to have experienced Prague and to have met up with such an interesting, smart, accomplished and well-read (!) friend like you. I will continue to read your blog and to live vicariously through your life there.
Thanks for everything, Julia! You've been a good friend. You've also been an inspiring reading buddy! Hope you have a great summer.
XOXOXOXO, Erin
Posted by: eurolush | May 19, 2011 at 03:56 PM
Monica--I've never wanted to be someone's family member more than yours. It seems they're always receiving some sort of amazing hand-made quilt or table runner or pillow. Why can't we be related??? Life's not fair.
I've really enjoyed seeing your creative side over the last few years. I love your style and the things you make. You inspire me to get back to my sewing again.
And can we just talk about Lilli?
Lilli deserves her own paragraph. Because she is the most adorable dog on the planet! Those dark eyes and that fluffy coat. Tex sends his regards to his pin-up girl, Lilli. I know they'd be the love of each other's lives were they to meet.
Thank you, Monica, for all your sweet comments over the years. In your honor, I will seek out as many gnomes and mushrooms as I can in my new neck of the woods.
Enjoy your summer and keep making beautiful things--the world needs more of what you do!
XXXXXOOOOOOO, Erin
Posted by: eurolush | May 19, 2011 at 04:05 PM
Yeah, twins. Creepy.
Posted by: kim at allconsuming | May 20, 2011 at 05:31 AM
I agree with Alice, you are far too talented to let your photos & words dissapear into neverland. You must look me up when you come to Southern California. Bailey would love to meet Tex, she's been crushing on him for quite a while:)Lots of great spots in California...I'll share those and a glass of vino!
Happy Trails!
Teri
Posted by: Teri Cole | May 20, 2011 at 12:26 PM
Alysha in Seattle--I'm so glad you discovered so many amazing blogs through my little portal of a blog. That makes me feel very happy. Thank you for all your encouragement and sweet comments. Tex sends you his best. I am sending you some sunny days up in Seattle for you to enjoy. I've heard it's been a rough winter and spring with lots and lots of rain. According to my sister, who also lives in Seattle (!), the streets in her neighborhood are actually growing moss now. I hope I can come visit Seattle soon. I'll be a lot closer in just a couple of months! Enjoy your sunshine!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Erin
Posted by: eurolush | May 21, 2011 at 03:58 PM
Is it So. Cal. you're going to? If so, there's a very creepy little place in Huntington Beach called Old World, where the Warsteiner flows freely and dirndls are de rigeur. And if it's the Bay Area where you're headed, then you should consider yourself warned. It's in my (very) small repertoire of places I go once a year. I'm small but wiry, and am often carrying pointed sticks. I make darting, unpredictable movements and you may not see me coming.
Posted by: Jen | May 22, 2011 at 04:37 PM